Book of Wishes

The man behind Reality Carnival (who also, incidentally has written a book called Sex, Drugs, Einstein and Elves), has also put online the Book of Wishes, a collection of wishes and dreams from a variety of people aged 9 to 90. It's funny and inspiring and sad to read.

In the earlier chapters, he also talks about lists of goals for accomplishments during the course of one's life. I had one of these when I was younger, but I don't remember all the things on it. I figured it would be a fun exercise to make a new one. Will post when finished.

Does anyone else have any particularly interesting (or non-interesting but still dearly-held) goals or wishes? I ask partly out of curiosity and partly to make sure I'm not missing anything in my own list.

Reality Carnival

I have found a treasure trove of wonderfully bizarre and interesting things. Here's some of my favorites from the most recent entries:

• UFO's in the Bible


• Octopus table


• Rock stars and their extraterrestrial links


• Top 4 reasons to lucid dream


• The Offical Reality Dot Appreciation Page - if you don't click on any other links, click on this one.

Isn't it great that the world and the people in it are so weird?

Bands and Their Corresponding Authors

This is inexplainably addictive. There of course some I disagree with - I would match Bruce Springsteen with John Steinbeck, for example. And I think Dylan goes better with Shakespeare than Hemingway.

Some new additions: Tool and Thomas Ligotti, the Ramones and Stan Lee, Lucinda Williams and Harper Lee. If I think of more, I'll of course inflict them on the public at large.

Positive Atheism

I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more.

Penn Jillette and belief in god. I love Penn because he's one of those people who thinks almost exactly like I do on a ton of issues, and he's witty and famous enough to make the thoughts heard. Very useful.

Things That I'm Thankful For

Just wanted to get the bad out first. Now for the good stuff:

• I have my own lovely little apartment. Whether it's currently a federally-sanctioned disaster area or not (and it is), it's mine.


• Since I need to gain weight, I have a justification for eating as much as I want of whatever I want. Not that there were a lot of restrictions before, but it's the idea.


• My new check clears Tuesday. And I am going shopping. Cause for celebration on a major scale.


• There's a new season of the Gastineau Girls coming soon. Shut up.


• I have the smartest, healthiest, most beautiful baby girl in existence. Enough said.

Hope everyone had a good holiday. To paraphrase Kinky Friedman, may the god or goddess of your choice bless you.

Things That Currently Annoy Me

Because they do. In no particular order:

• Being one of the few people in what seems like the entire population of the world who can't gain weight. Recent stress has reduced me to a sickening Mary Kate Olsen status, and even I feel like I'm going to break in half when a strong wind blows. (If you're sufficiently moved, donations of chocolate and/or cheeseburgers are being accepted.)


• Constantly cleaning my apartment. It sucks.


• That guy in the Dyson vacuum cleaner commercials. He takes it way too seriously. You're designing vacuum cleaners, not a solution to global warming. Get over it.


• Snow. It sucks.


• That one of the highlights of my December will be the new season of the Gastineau Girls. I suck.


• Guys. They suck.


• Really wanting a pizza and having a spastic cell phone that can't call for one right now.


• Guys. They really, really suck.

Okay, all done.

Heroes

"Fairy tales are more than true - not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be defeated." - G.K. Chesterson

When you grow up as steeped in books, fairy tales, comics, and movies as I did, you tend to carry with you into adulthood a strong conviction in heroes. I think most people do anyway. It's in our collective unconscious, the deep-rooted idea that there exist people who can fix everything, who are stronger, greater, more special. I think even more deeply and secretly we're certain that we would be heroes ourselves, if we were in a situation that called for one.

On top of this, it seems that when we think of ourselves as heroes, the situations we imagine that would call for it are extraordinary ones. We think of fires, of hurricanes, of disease and crime. And I'm quite sure that for the majority of us, if we were in desperate, intense circumstances, our heroic instinct would help us come through.

The problem is that sometimes the situations that call for the greatest heroism aren't of immediate danger. They often aren't even apparent. Rescuing someone from disaster, fighting wars, slaying dragons ... none of that is anything compared to the courage it sometimes takes to survive from day to day. There aren't any legends or epic movies about dealing with the hurts and disappointments and losses our lives are made of. But they have to be dealt with. The greatest heroism is quiet, small, and slow. It is still believing, even in the face of dozens of reasons not to, and it is the simple resolve to do what's right, regardless of what you feel about it. It is coming through for those who need you without fanfare, without recognition, without bitterness. Heroism, really, is just getting through.

At least I hope so. Because I've got a little one who is depending on me to come through. If I could just run off, sword in hand, and slay a dragon or two for her, it would be a lot simpler than the constant, grueling struggle to pay bills, do chores, find work, finish college, get over her father at the same time I'm still supporting him, and still be strong and happy for her every second of her life. I never read any fairy tales about that. But that's the story I have to tell, and I have to make sure there's a hero somewhere in it.

Chick Flicks Dissected

If the term is indeed insulting and meaningless, why mention it at all? Why cite a separate standard by which not to judge a movie you happen to like? Because it has become a compulsory addition to any discussion about movies about women — and anyone, male or female, who makes one winds up spending at least some of their promotional time living the label down.

Fantastic article from Carina Chocano about the marginalization and segregation of all films with female characters into the "chick flick" category. Plus, her list of real chick flicks, which is mostly right on.

JenUpdate

Of course the real reason I slack off posting for a few days is to add a little suspense to the lives of the six of you who read this thing. I know you're all just biting your nails in anxiety, wondering desperately if I'll post again soon or not. You may now thank me for rescuing you from your otherwise bland, non-Jen-filled existence.

Actually, I'm trying to come up with an improved layout design, which means I tend to transfer my computer time from blogging to designing ... hopefully I get something I like soon, hopefully also that I can trust I'll still like three days from now.

Hey, all of you who are currently in distant lands and planning to come back to the magical realm of Ohio in the near future - be sure to share plan details, because I miss you and I'm dying for a night out with my old friends. Let me know when I can expect you!

Meet the IT Gigolo

A friend was having trouble connecting to the Internet, this really attractive girl, and the idea just popped into my head: "Wow, it would be really nice if I could get sex for this." I placed an ad on Craigslist that read, "WILL FIX COMPUTERS FOR SEXUAL FAVORS," and I've had an overwhelming number of responses.

Let's hear it for the good, old-fashioned American entrepreneurial spirit.

Reminds me - what happened to Ask the Tech Girl.com?

Screw Computer Science

I'm going to Hong Kong and start majoring in bra studies.

Update: Since I have nothing better to do, I decided to research this a bit. The details are at the Hong Kong Polytechnic University site. It's a sure sign American schools are falling behind when they don't even offer a Bachelors of Arts in Intimate Apparel.

We'll Chance It, Thanks

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson warned residents of a rural Pennsylvania town Thursday that disaster may strike there because they "voted God out of your city" by ousting school board members who favored teaching intelligent design.

It's a fairly sad state of affairs when the Onion publishes stories I wish were true, and legitmate news organizations publishes stories I can't believe are true. Kudos to this particular article, however, for including my all-time favorite Pat Robertson quote: "Feminism encourages women to kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Even as a devout atheist, I know perfectly well a conviction in evolutionary biology does not preclude belief in a god - or gods, for that matter. But the truth of the matter is that I don't have to provide any commentary at all - his statements are absurd enough in themselves. Just wanted to point it out, because I'm sick of people like him getting away with doing things like this.

Geek Gorgeous

Why should the ditsy girls have all the fun? Smart is sexy in the Geek Gorgeous 2006 Wall Calendar. The calendar showcases young ladies who are not only beautiful and stylish, but can also fix your computer, normalize your databases, discuss the advantages of polymorphism, and beat you at Doom.

Here's a cause I can get behind: the Geek Gorgeous calendar. Not only is it all about hot, smart, tech girls, the proceeds go towards establishing a scholarship for young women in computer science. Why didn't I come up with this idea? (I've already offered my modeling services for future projects - cross your fingers.)

Why You Need To Occasionally Pay Attention to Tabloids

They can offer such day-improving tidbits such as:

Ever since her prison stint, Martha's decided to live for the moment, so she pulled a few strings and got Burt's number. She gave him a call, introduced herself, and now the two have a secret phone relationship going.

That's Martha as in Stewart, and Burt as in Reynolds, of course. I now believe that anything is possible.

Warning: Mushy Baby Stuff Ahead

Every single morning I wake up excited. Because I am lucky enough to be able to get up and go get baby girl. She doesn't cry when she wakes up, she just waits for me to get there. Then, when I am, she looks at me for a split second, then breaks into the hugest grin. And then I get to spend another day watching her discover how wonderful it is to be in the world. Which makes me realize it myself all over again. It's like we were both just born.

Issue of the Day

"We have all heard the reports of people using it to greet their in-laws, or after starting their lawn mowers with a single pull," [Supreme Metal Council president] Butler said. "But recently it was brought to our attention that someone used the gesture in a Texas convenience store after snagging the last box of carrot cakes. This simply won't do."

Metal Council Convenes To Discuss "Metal Hand Sign" Abuse.

Free Katie

Apparently I'm not the only one concerned about the next future Mrs. Cruise: meet the Free Katie campaign.

Pride, Prejudice, and Darwinism

Just because Darwin hit a home run in the field of life science doesn't mean his underlying theory can be successfully translated into every other field. I'm all about evolutionary biology. I am decidedly against nonsense such as eugenics and social Darwinism, which I find both scientifically unsupportable and morally disgusting, but which also rely on Darwinian principles. The point is that there is not necessarily a universal explanation for every aspect of human life, and I really see no reason to try to come up with one.

For example - what's with Literary Darwinism? Even if it is possible to completely explain our collective literary impulses in scientific language, is it really necessary? As scientifically-minded as I am, I still don't believe I have to reduce art to an equation in order to fully appreciate it. I know why I love reading Pride and Prejudice and why it's a wonderful book - and it has nothing to do with casting it in the a role of a "fruit fly." (You have to read the article to get the full effect of Jane Austen in Literary Darwinist terms.) It's not that I don't think there isn't room for psychological analysis in human artistic inclinations and productions. I just don't think we absolutely have to come up with an outside justification for those expressions. We express through art and literature because other forms of expression don't always satisfy. Such as science. Or religion, for that matter.

Sometimes, I believe, taking the human element out of a social theory dooms that theory to nothing but academic speculation. Look at communism - lovely idea on paper. Glorious. But it's run into nothing but problems in implementation - because it does not take into consideration the random, fiercely individual human nature. I understand the issue is slightly more complicated than that. But the result is the same. Let human nature be expressed and not necessarily always explained.

By the way, I'm really happy about the new Pride and Prejudice film, which, if its previews and press are any accurate indication, has successfully drained all the subtle wit and observation of human society that makes the book, and its earlier miniseries adaptation, a classic. Thank the powers that be that we can now forget all about that stuff and enjoy a lobotomized romantic comedy that doesn't tax our little fluffy female heads.

The Indispensible Calvin & Hobbes

I think grown-ups just act like they know what they're doing. (Calvin)

A Calvin and Hobbes slideshow. This has the added bonus of including one of my favorite C&H strips ever - Tyrannosaurs in F-14s!

An Open Letter to Everyone Who Mistakenly Sends Stuff to My Email Address

Dear Everyone Who Mistakenly Sends Stuff to My Email Address,

I know that in the fast pace of modern life, it's easy to miss something here and there. I understand that everyone, once in a while, makes mistakes. However, the amount of email I am getting that is intended for someone else is reaching unacceptable amounts, and I am humbly begging you all to knock it the hell off.

I know my Gmail username is incredibly simple - that's why I was so excited to land it in the first place. No numbers or symbols to necessarily distinguish it, just my name, plain and simple. This does not mean that everyone in the world who shares my name and/or a similar name also shares my email address.

I am not your relative, I am not that guy who sits a few cubicles from you in the office, I am not you, for Bob's sake. I do not want to be forwarded eight thousand whimsical ancedotes about how special I am or how cool this pic is. I don't even like that stuff from people I do know, much less those I don't. I do not want a variety of dirty jokes filling up my inbox, especially bad ones. I do not want updates on how Mom, Dad, Sis, Bro, Aunt Marge, Uncle Bruce, Fluffy, or anyone else I have never met, is doing just because I happen to share the same last name. I do not want you to use my email address on websites so that I get the follow-up spam, not you (and I especially don't want the cute little test email to see if this is a real account after you've already signed me up for about two dozen adult dating sites). I would also appreciate it if you could learn my email address is not yours. I would like to not get email from online template companies bugging me to download my purchases, which I have never heard of. Believe me, I'd love to take advantage of your Atlantic City hotel reservations and round-trip flight, but I know eventually I'd have to produce identification and/or credit card info. So stop teasing me.

In the beginning, when it was an errant message here and there, I had no problem with you. As I said, I understand an typo. If it happened regularly with a particular person, I sent a polite little message and set the record straight. But now it feels as if you have all ganged up on me and pledged to send me as much mistaken email as possible. I am getting barraged every day by at least four pieces of email that does not belong to me and it's starting to get on my nerves.

Learn your friends' and family's email address! And your own email address! And learn how to type them! It's not that difficult. Use the handy little feature that hardly any email account in existence is without - the magical address book. That way you can bother your own acquaintances with your boring shit and leave me to my own.

Sincerely,
Jen (not Jill, not James, not Justin, not Janet) Myers

Personal Update

Just returned from a weekend at baby girl's grandmother's house ... had a nice time, even though I haven't quite yet dispelled the exhaustion I've accumulated over, well, the past three months of motherhood. It's slowly ebbing. One of these days I'll be normal again.

Anyway, here's an open apology to those I haven't been able to keep in touch with that well ... part of the reason I've got all my news on my weblog is so that far-flung friends and accquaintances can check in with me at their leisure instead of waiting for word directly from me. I've got quite a bit on my plate right now, and I'm focusing on getting matters at hand well under control before I turn my attention to everything else. Feel free to bother me whenever you can or want to - if I can't get back right away, don't worry, I will. I'm doing great, just adjusting. It's all quite an adventure right now. Which is the way it should be.

I wrote a little more of the novel over the weekend, but still haven't got nearly as far as I need to. I fear the whole "completed-in-a-month" thing is now officially laughable. But I'll keep up with it anyway. I'll probably get around to posting on the novel blog within the next few days. Because I'm sure everyone cares.

My Christmas Wish List

I want my own pet zombie.

God Hates Pan and Scan

It's true.

National Novel Writing Month

Forgot to mention that I'm doing the NaNoWriMo thing again this year. Haven't completed it once, and doubt I will this year, but what the hell. I just hang around the apartment all the time anyway, might as well spend the time writing.

Anyway, I've decided to blog my novel. Hopefully breaking it up into manageable pieces will encourage me. Feel free to check in on it at jennovel.blogspot.com, although I can't make any promises as to quality, or coherence, for that matter.

Terribly Important News

I would just like everyone to know that my hair is now in fact fabulous. I had a nice little sweeping bang cut, which the girl at the salon claimed was very Ashlee Simpson. Since I can think of no higher goal in my life but to be like Ashlee Simpson, just imagine my delight. But it actually looks quite cute (which is another goal in my life). I also re-dyed my hair burgundy, which didn't turn out that drastically different because it was still pretty dark to begin with, but I kicked up the red underneath. Plus, the process of dyeing any shade of red is fun because it looks like I'm slathered with blood. Good times.

Yesterday I discovered on my new tennis shoes a strap of velcro that goes around the heel. I cannot for the life of me figure out any possible purpose for this. I've spent an unreasonable amount of time thinking about it, too. Maybe Ashlee Simpson-ness is my destiny.

Another Reason Not To Be Purified ...

... you could get electrocuted. That's what pastor in Waco, Texas did when adjusting a microphone during a baptism. I didn't realize microphones were such an integral part of baptisms. Not that I'm an expert. Figures it would happen in Waco - some crazy people hang around there.

The New Challenge

Although I've been plenty vocal about the necessity of opening up the computer industry in general to more diverse contributors, especially women, there's one niche I haven't really considered: the gaming industry. This was my own prejudice, because I myself am not a gamer. But this article in CNET, about getting girls into the game, made me think about it.

So now I'm wondering - where did that prejudice of mine come from anyway? Why are video games the one aspect of technological media I've avoided? I loved them when I was little. My brother and I would play for hours. It's still a source of great pride (and a testament to our dad's patience and supply of quarters) that together we beat the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game. I can't really say for sure why I stopped playing. I know the cost of new game systems and games had something to do with it. I also thought, in my older, wiser years, that if I started Gaming again, I'd get sucked in and never participate in the real world for the rest of my life. But now I'm afraid that, subconsicously, I didn't want to storm the walls of a community so closed off to the uninitiated. Especially the uninitiated who don't really fit the community's stereotype.

Well, it bothers the hell out of me if this is even a possible reason, so let the storming commence. I didn't like the prevailing opinion that an arty chick like me couldn't learn how to program computers or be successful in IT, so I worked to prove it wrong. Now I'm turning my sights on the gaming industry. I have no idea what I'm capable of doing, either as a participant or a developer, but it sounds like fun to find out.

Another Swing and a Miss

My god. It got worse.