Top Ten Reasons Trick or Treating Is Better than Sex

• You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.


• If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.


• The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.


• You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.


• It's OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.


• Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.


• If you don't like what you get you can always go next door.


• It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.


• Less guilt the morning after.


• You can do the whole neighborhood.

Happy Halloween, kids.

Fashion Update

Wholesome Wear swimwear. For the Amish beach-going crowd.

Destiny or Something

I'm still amused by the fact that my having a baby coincided so closely with Britney Spears's. Who would've thought we had such a profound cosmic connection?

More Nonsense from the AFA

Update on the AFA/American Girl/Girls, Inc debacle that I got my panties in a twist about earlier - the alleged perpetrators don't know what the hell's wrong with the AFA either.

Girls Inc. takes positions on public policy issues if it believes women's rights and opportunities are at stake, [president] Roche said. "Our philosophy is that women should have the right to make decisions about themselves," she said.

Yeah, the super social conservatives aren't all about that. Plus:

Girls Inc., which traces its roots to a center founded in Waterbury, Conn., in 1864, serves about 800,000 girls a year, many of them black or Latino and most from low-income families.

Oh, okay, now I see what their problem is.

eBay Item of the Day

I return from my brief break (details classified) with a heads-up on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity: you can buy a British political party on eBay. Not sure what their platform is, but since they've made it clear they can literally be bought, you could probably make them do whatever you want. Have at it.

That's What She Thinks Now

So apparently Katie Holmes is planning on having Tom Cruise's baby the Scientology way. That means, according to Dana Stevens, "in an atmosphere of total quiet, without any groans, screams, or sounds of pain from the mother, or even the audible exchange of information among hospital personnel." She also points out some advice from Scientology creator L. Ron Hubbard himself: "After a delivery that's 'as calm and no-talk as possible,' the baby should 'be wrapped somewhat tightly in a warm blanket, very soft, and then left alone for a day or so.'"

Okay. If I needed any more ammunition against Cruise's cult, here it is. (And just for the record, I didn't.) No sane woman who has ever given birth would see the sense of doing any of this, much less consider the capability of doing so.

Stevens also relates the story of another attempted Scientological celebrity birth that didn't quite work out:

According to Travolta and Preston's account of their own silent labor, somewhere around Hour 13, Preston got to feeling pretty banky, and ordered Travolta to drive her to the hospital for an epidural (even though L. Ron suggests that "the delivery itself should carry as little anaesthesic as possible").

You bet your ass she did. I was ready for it less than an hour into labor, although I had to wait at least six, and was not happy about it the entire time.

Not to jump on my female high horse and say snottily that this doctrine was obviously developed by a man - but, well, it was. Giving birth without making a sound, especially without medication? And then putting aside the baby you most likely spent over half a day bringing into the world for a day or so? What, so she can learn to fend for herself from day one? I was in labor for about fourteen hours and was beyond exhausted after my daughter was born - but I still stayed up all night because I was too excited not to hold and look at her.

Before all this, I was already ticked off at Cruise's attack on Shields for using medication to combat her post-partum depression (because he knows all about what your body does after birth and exactly what it feels like, and definitely has the medical credentials to back it up). Dear little Katie better work on being superhuman, otherwise it doesn't seem like she's going to get a whole lot of help.

Of course, it's possible there are women the world over who have given birth like this with astonishing results. But I know personally dozens, including myself, who have brought babies into the world the common way and everything worked out fine.

The upshot of this particular rant? Don't listen to celebrities and don't listen to pulp science fiction writers who start cults, and especially don't listen to celebrities who buy into cults. Try instead the novel idea of common sense.

Miss Your Calling?

From the Department of Jobs They Don't Tell You about When Career Counseling You in High School: did you know there was such a thing as a "'tit singer,' whose job it was to warble during the striptease portion of a burlesque show." Apparently Alan Alda's dad was one. Just in case you haven't fulfilled your useless trivia quota today.

I Can, So Deal with It

For those who aren't girls the same age as I am, American Girl is a company makes really cool dolls, who all have characters as strong, intelligent, and spirited heroines. If you are a girl my age, you probably had one growing up (I had Kirsten and loved her to death). Anyway, they've teamed up with the fantasic organization Girls, Inc., which heads several projects for girls and their education, for a bracelet campaign called I CAN. The campaign is all about encouraging girls' ambition and growth, and 70% of the bracelets' proceeds go to Girls, Inc. programs to further girls' opportunities in science and technology, leadership and community service, and sports.

Sounds like a good thing all round, right? Well, you obviously haven't consulted the American Family Association. They're condemning American Girl for associating themselves with Girls, Inc. - because Girls, Inc. supports a woman's reproductive rights and -gasp!- says it's okay to use contraceptives. And, horror upon horrors, they also "... support and offer resources encouraging lesbian and bi-sexual lifestyles, actually offering resources for girls." Unbelievable, offering resources for girls to deal with and control their own lives. What could these people possibly be thinking.

The insidiousness of Girls, Inc. is apparently a big deal to the AFA, who have launched a petition to reveal it and slam the heads of both companies involved in the I CAN campaign with their all-mightly disapproval.

In case I have new reader around who isn't as well as aquainted with my tendecy towards sarcasm, let me give my opinion about this plainly: I think it's bullshit.

So, taking the lead from Feministing, I'm posting a plea to email the company heads and offer support for their initiatives, in effort to counteract the hate heaped on them by the AFA: Mattel Chairman Bob Eckert and American Girl President Ellen Brothers. And while you're at it, why not drop a little love note to to AFA itself.

Free the Guinea Pigs

Every once in a while I, as many people do, wonder at the crazy things that happen in my life, and wonder why on earth others in my life have made the decisions they've made. Then I come across a story that reminds me it's not so bad after all. For example, in England animal rights activists have dug up the corpse of a relative of guinea pig farmers and are holding it hostage. In comparison, almost everything in my life seems perfectly sane and normal.

Relief Donations

Interrupting the blog for a moment of seriousness - if you have a few extra minutes and at least a few dollars on your credit card, please consider making a donation to the Red Cross. Fate has been rather harsh to an awful lot of people lately, and every little bit helps. Or if you can't donate, spread the word online or elsewhere to others who might be able to. Get the good karma flowing again.

Okay, sorry for being preachy. Back to irrelevant commentary.

Walken 2008

I just found this: Walken in 2008. It's since been proved a joke, in case you couldn't tell, but I think we should band together and urge him to make it a reality. How fantastic would it be to have Christopher Walken as president, seriously.

Tiger Strikes Again

At $150, it's going to be a while until I add the new Complete Calvin and Hobbes to my collection (although it doesn't matter much, because I have the entire series almost committed to memory). But here's a nice retrospective on the strip's history.

War Is Smurfing Hell

Every once in a while, I come across a news item that even I can find nothing to say about. I may have now encountered the mother of all these: hyper-graphic Belgian Smurf anti-war propaganda:

The people of Belgium have been left reeling by the first adult-only episode of the Smurfs, in which the blue-skinned cartoon characters' village is annihilated by warplanes.

The short but chilling film is the work of Unicef, the United Nations Children's Fund, and is to be broadcast on national television next week as a campaign advertisement....

The short film pulls no punches. It opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

Tiny Smurfs scatter and run in vain from the whistling bombs, before being felled by blast waves and fiery explosions. The final scene shows a scorched and tattered Baby Smurf sobbing inconsolably, surrounded by prone Smurfs.

What. The. Hell.

But that doesn't even include the best line of the article:

"We wanted something that was real war - Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head -but they said no."

Look, do we really need to decapitate Smurfs to make the point that children killed or otherwise victimized in war is a bad thing? I'd like to think that we're all in general agreement on that fact. Didn't UNICEF consider taking all the time and money spent on this film and instead helping children currently suffering in war-torn regions by using it to buy things like food and medical supplies?

Okay, turns out that wasn't the best line of the article after all. This is:

The film has won tentative approval from the official Smurf fan club.

Now I'm out of things to say. Best to just let the whole sordid matter go. I'm going to have nightmares as it is.

The Hot Chicks List

The hot chicks list is up. Enjoy.

Finding Neverland

Watched Finding Neverland last night. I knew beforehand that this movie so perfectly suited my tastes and interests that I was afraid to expect much out of it, for fear of being disappointed. But, for the most part, it came through. Visually rich, good characterizations. I'm again stuck with my confused appreciation for Johnny Depp - I find it hard to watch him act because he rarely lets you forget that he is acting. You appreciate the artistry, but the wall between yourself and the character is always there. In roles like his in Pirates of the Caribbean or Cry-Baby (which has been running on Oxygen, of all places - be sure to catch it), this works out fine. But when he plays roles with less irony, the result it mixed. I think his work in Neverland came farther than he ever has, though. Even if the Scottish accent seemed a bit odd at times.

I'm amused and slightly disturbed at how similar Elijah Wood's character in Everything is Illuminated looks like his cannabalistic serial killer in Sin City. I also rented that last night - I didn't think I'd want to see it again so soon, but I'm looking forward to checking out the DVD.

Still basking in the glow that is the Independent Film Channel ... I used watch it 24/7, then went about five years without being able to watch it at all. Now we are reunited, and all is well again. We celebrated with a viewing of Buffalo 66 last night as well. Love that film. I'm probably going to check out Vincent Gallo's Brown Bunny soon, just out of curiosity. And if you know anything about that movie, you know exactly which part I'm curious about.

National Coming Out Day

So Tuesday is National Coming Out Day. In order to lend my support, I figured I'd talk more about being bisexual. It's not something I've been particularly hiding, it just hasn't been a big deal. And it still isn't, but a conversation the other day made me realize me that displaying how comfortable I am with it can help other people not so comfortable become so. Plus, recent events have taught me that there's absolutely no point in worrying about what other people think of you and I might as well make a clean sweep of any old hang-ups or barriers.

I've decided that to celebrate, I'm going to compose a list of all the female celebrities I have crushes on. That way if you're not into the intention of the whole thing, it might at least amuse you a bit. Will post when finished.

Entertainment Update

Update on the Jen Home Entertainment front, which, by the way, is eminiently important since I'm cloistered at home for what seems like the rest of my life - I now have digital cable. This means I have the Independent Film Channel, which means that I again get to watch ... Samurai Saturdays! For those of you unfamiliar with this wonderful phenomena, it consists of old black and white Japanese samurai movies - for example, this morning is Three Outlaw Samurai, a "proto-Spaghetti Western of sorts, following Sakon Shiba, a cynical ronin, who gets caught up in a peasants' revolt against an oppressive local government and finds himself in a fight to the death." I ask you, what could possibly be better than that first thing Saturday morning?

I'm a little ashamed over how excited I am about new TV, but sadly, it's true. In slightly cooler news, Henry is going to be in town in a couple of weeks, and well, I can't have him spend the evening alone, can I?

By the way, it just occurred to me that the Cynical Ronins would be a good name for a band.

Kicking and Hair-Pulling on Its Way

Ooh, Ann Coulter's hating on Harriet Miers. We don't get too many catfights in the conservative political arena - let's encourage it. Maybe we can get them into mud wrestling literally and not just figuratively.

However, in all honesty, Ann has a good point or two about this nomination:

Both Republicans and Democrats should be alarmed that Bush seems to believe his power to appoint judges is absolute. This is what "advice and consent" means.

Yes, I agree with Ann Coulter on something. It happens upon occasion. Then, of course, she says some things that make me want to slap her myself (and, incidentally, me mud wrestling with Ann would probably be much more fun to watch than Harriet Miers). I don't think I've ever dished my whole opinion on Miss Coulter on the blog before - I'll do that soon. In the meantime, suffice it to say I like some of the things she's saying now.

Update: I've thought seriously about the matter, and have decided that I do in fact want to mud wrestle Ann Coulter. She's hot, and mean, which suits my tastes perfectly. Someone arrange this, stat.

why i'm one of those

A decent rundown on what's with us libertarians anyhow.

stuff

I now watch the Tyra show every morning without fail. Shut up.

Anyway, I made yet another blog, because I could. It's not like I have anything better to do, like clean the apartment, study, or, for Bob's sake, raise a child.

Been pretty run-down lately ... thanks to Monkey for visiting the other night, and to everyone else lending their support. More is always welcome.

redefining feminism

Following up on the SuicideGirls post ... unique pornography redefines feminism:

... when I see pornographic paranoia escalating to such a level that even nursing women are herded behind closed doors, I can't help but think that exhibitionism is preferable to embarrassment.

This is a well-written article, even if I think the issue is slightly more complex than it's presented here - but it's a good starting case for the place of how both feminism and pornography do not necessarily have to follow traditional rules.

However, the issue is more complex, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to explain what young women should decide to do about it. The rebellions keep rebelling against each other - traditional feminism went after the patriarchy, second and third wave feminism went against traditional feminism, and modern variations continue to protest, deny, and change. Generally, I think the progression has been a positive one. But it's hard to overlook the side effects of things like Ariel Levy's "Feminist Chauvinist Pigs" - girls who embrace seemingly empowering sexual attitudes simply because of their own insecurities and desire to fit into the prevailing cultural norms. This is definitely not her imagination - these type of girls exist, even dominate, on any given college campus. Now the struggle is not to teach girls that it's okay to be sexual, but that it's possible, and necessary, truly to be in control at the same time.

Then again, sometimes it's just not that serious. Kara Jesella at Alternet explains.

back again

I unexpectedly have internet again. Nobody make a sudden move in case it goes away again.

still mia

I missed the Time Warner guy by about twenty minutes, and he refused to come back, so I had to reschedule and the first available time is Friday afternoon. So I am internet-less at home until then. Whenever I can grab sometime online elsewhere, I'll post something useless like this. Just so everyone knows I'm still around.

suicide girls go awol

This is disappointing - it seems SuicideGirls is losing its street cred in one fell swoop:

A group of angry ex-models is bashing the SuicideGirls alt-porn empire, saying its embrace of the tattoo and nipple-ring set hides a world of exploitation and male domination. ... about 30 SuicideGirls.com models have quit in disgust over the past few weeks.

It always happens to the cool, alternative endeavors, doesn't it? Eventually we find out they were selling out all along. There's also a blog that details some of the site's apparent problems. I loved SuicideGirls and the way they seemed to run things, I really hate to hear it's probably not true (and there seems to be enough coroboration in the blogosphere to rest assured it's not). The upside is that this clears the way for others who want to prove feminista alt-porn can work.

In related bit of news, I might as well mention now that the alternative pinup art I've been working on intermittently for the past couple of years is back in production, and I'm hoping to get some illustrations online in the near future, plus some merchandise. I started drawing these a long time ago when Betsy asked me to design a pinup tattoo for her. Basically, they're like cartoon SuicideGirls. If anyone has any suggestions for girls they'd like to see created, let me know - I'll do custom illustrations, and in fact would welcome some ideas to get the drawing flowing again.

my epitaph

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Amazingly appropriate.

short break

So my internet isn't working with my iBook anymore. Since I checked out AirPort and can connect the college wireless network, I must conclude that my days of leeching free wireless at home are over. So Monday I'll have legitmate internet.

In the meantime, Elizabeth and I are helping Daddy babysit puppies and various other animals at Grandma Mag's for the weekend. Will be posting sporadically as I can.